WHY?

“Remember, one shitty life! ” Nadi Hammouda

On a lecture yesterday, we talked about the self and ones own impact on learning and on the learning process. On the train ride home I started to think about how I motivate my students and get them to want to learn new things. Too many times I’ve heard too many stupid excuses, from my students from my friends and specially from myself. The fact is however that there really isn’t any excuse to not doing or not learning something. If you want to do it, you will. Eventually. It won’t be easy, and it won’t always be fun, but it will be worth your best try.

What used to hold me back, maybe more than anything else, was fear. I used to be afraid of not being good or talented or smart enough, I still very often am. The difference now however is that I try to look my fears in the eyes and not to let those fears control me anymore. On the contrary I now try to use them. It is really uncomfortable to face your fears, and by nature it’s supposed to be that way but no matter how comfortable we are, we should never let that come in between our learning and experiencing. Never less become lazy about it. What the heck are we here for if not to take the most out of it? To experience the most, to learn to see, to feel, to hear, to taste.

With Svartna it has so far been one long, ongoing re-writing, re-recording, re-shooting, re-booking, re-editing, re-making process. However painful and agonizing this whole thing has been from the very beginning, I wouldn’t change a second. I very much would have wanted it to be easier at the time, but all the same I’ve learned indescribably much about myself and my workflow and inner world. How and what I want to do and most importantly why. It’s not even about the finished product anymore. Of course it’s the goal of it all, but it’s more about the making of it, the process, the journey, the feeling. As much as I breath life into this, just as much I need to breath this to live. Extremely liberating!

About a year ago, when I felt the world fall apart under my feet a friend of mine told me not to be afraid to start over. “Who ever puts their whole heart in it, whatever the project or target of desire is, will receive more than they ever thought achievable”, he said. Nothing will matter more than the love for what you’re creating or feeling, the highs the lows the lot. Where there is a will there will be a way and passion is the thing that will always fuel the will.

-J